Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
