No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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