Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
