FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
