I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
