look no pants
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
