Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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