I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
