Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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