She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
