The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
