Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize