Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
