well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
