He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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