I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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