good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dicks are not precious.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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