we're blogging at a bar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
