I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
love makes seman taste better
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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