Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
