Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
