We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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