I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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