I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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