these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
