I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fuck appropriateness.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
