That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
