Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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