"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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