Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
