these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
