omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You are a genius and a whore.
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