There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
