my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
