I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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