He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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