So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
