evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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