Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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