Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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