wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
