drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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