Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
