It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
