I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
