I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
