I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
