Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
