So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
