All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
