the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
