are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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