We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
