My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
