I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
