I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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