i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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