My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
