I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
