I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
