Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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