So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
