you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize