Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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