that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
