This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
