so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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